Sunday February 14, 2010

I couldn't sleep last night. My eyes were swollen and tired from crying so much. John Larsen has been on my mind. My John has been on my mind. Jesus Christ and the Atonement have been on my mind. And all the questions that come from somebody taking their own life has been on my mind too. I've been trying to gather my thoughts...just trying to have things make sense. But most of the questions I have...are questions that may never be answered in this life. That's really hard to swallow. However, as I remember my Savior-and each one of us...that no matter how we enter the next life {face it. we will all die at some point in our life} WE ALL NEED OUR SAVIOR AND HIS ATONEMENT. For no matter how hard we try. No matter what we do-or say...it will never be enough...to make it back to Heavenly Father. And that's WHY God sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Because it's only through Him that {any} of us can live together with Him. WE ALL NEED OUR SAVIOR-who suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane and then hung on a cross to die. To die for our sins. To make it possible for us to become whole and complete.
It WAS THE ONLY WAY.
He is the ONLY one who can make up the difference in which we cannot do for ourselves.
And from the bottom of my heart I am thankful for Jesus Christ...who knows us personally and perfectly. Who loves us beyond our comprehension. Who will plead to our Heavenly Father for our salvation-for He has felt our sorrows. our sadness. our sickness. our loneliness. our helplessness... He HAS walked our walk-and knows {beyond my understanding} each one of us, even better than we know ourselves.

So as I mourn the loss of my cousin John Larson-I'm finding hope. I'm feeling peace and reassurance that all is well. That I will see him again. That he will be the John that we all once knew and loved so much. AND everything will work out for good. He will be okay. That I can be okay. And although I may not receive all the answers I am searching for, I can feel peace and love from my Heavenly Father. For this is His answer is me, through the peaceful feelings I have. And if I struggle with not feeling at ease-then I can go to the Temple, say a prayer, listen to soothing music, or find things that help me feel the love of the Lord. And know that He is there.

...and even though this has been a tragic event, many good things have come from it too. I know that my love for my family and my Savior has increased. That my determination to do better and become better has increased...to lend a helping hand-and to be a friend...and to love as Jesus loves. And to love how John Larson loved too. My spirit has grown through this experience. I am so thankful for that. love. lindsey